With 2017 nearly behind us, and 2018 quickly approaching, it's that time of year again where we get to celebrate the best and, yes, the worst that cinema has had to offer us over the prior 12 months or so. So, here is my worst of 2017 list.
2017 has actually been pretty great for movies. From the superhero genre to the indie scene and mid-tier films such as Baby Driver and The Big Sick, I, thankfully, don't have many complaints about the films I've seen this year. Either that, or there has been a better good-to-bad ratio and I've missed a lot of the crap that has released - there have been a lot that I have, gladly, avoided (Transformers, The Bye Bye Man etc). But, even then, I have still a lot of turds; certainly, I've seen more than enough to put together my 20 personal worst of the year.
It's worth noting that all the films in my list were released in the UK between January 1st, 2017 and December 31st, 2017. Here are my picks for my fworst films of 2017, kicking off with my 20-11 choices - the honourable mentions.
SUBURBICON
George Clooney's black-comedy had all the right ingredients, but it was just such a mess that the result was a dish that left a very sour taste in the mouth.
THE MUMMY
Well, kudos to Universal for trying to launch their Dark Universe. But The Mummy was so bad it shot it out of the sky. Better luck... erm... next time?
PERSONAL SHOPPER
I see this making best of the year lists. For me, it was just a convoluted, confusing and tedious affair and so lands on my worst of the year.
DIARY OF A WIMPY KID: THE LONG HAUL
The Long Haul reboot the Wimpy Kid francise and sucked all the fun for a surplus of insufferable poop jokes. Frankly, it was a long haul to watch.
BORG MCENROE
More like BORE McEnroe, ammaright? That joke will never get old. This film will.
STORY OF A GIRL
Even Kevin Bacon couldn't save this over-sentimental, convoluted angsty-teen coming-of-age mess. Story of a girl, maybe. But it's a painfully dull tale.
SMALL TOWN CRIME
This is a film that started off with potential in its opening 10 minutes, then just spiralled out of control and became generic, predictable, boring, rushed.
BAYWATCH
Ah, we all love 21 Jump Street. This definitely is nothing like that film. It was so unfunny that I found even Logan to have more humour than this. And that film is a dark, sombre drama. This was actually supposed to be a comedy.
VALERIAN AND THE CITY OF A THOUSAND PLANETS
A pretty-looking disaster... But a disaster, nonetheless.
BAD KIDS OF CRESTVIEW ACADEMY
I mean... the title gives it away, surely?
So, there you have my honourable mentions. They were all pretty dire films, all in their own right for their own reasons. But at least they weren't quite as tragically terrible as my top 10 itself. Now those are a bunch. Here they are.
10. PARIS CAN WAIT
Eleanor Coppola's latest arrived at Edinburgh Film Festival, boasting a shiny stellar ensemble and promise of being a seductive character-piece. Sadly, it is anything but. It's just 90-minutes of awful dialogue and characters eating food. I'd suggest you keep waiting for Paris Can Wait. It's not worth it.
9. SOUTHERN FURY
It's a staright-to-DVD Nicholas Cage film. That should tell you all you really need to know about it. Except, Cage is the best thing about it. This is a criminally undercooked and awful crime film that is just so... dumb? It's just so frustratingly stupid and unusual. But, hey, I did get to interview one of its stars.
8. CHiPS
Another case of "hey, Jump Street worked" so let's give an old, comedic TV series a cinematic reboot because it will obviously be comedic gold... Not when you have such terrible writers on-board, no. I didn't even smile at CHiPS, let alone laugh. The writing is cringe-worthy and embarassing and it horribly sexualises every female character - in a year where cinema had so many great, strong, well-written female characters. Shame on you, CHiPS. Shame on you. For that, and for existing.
7. DEATH NOTE
Okay, even if you take away the source material then this film would still be pretty bad. However, the original Death Note manga and series are so dark and genuinely great, that this watered-down, pandering-YA live-action film adaptation of it just sucked. It missed the trick. For such a dark, twisted story, this film was surprisingly fluffy and... well... YA. Never a good angle to take.
6. FLATLINERS
The original film wasn't exactly hailed as a classic, so surely it wouldn't be too hard to take that ingenious and unique premise and improve upon it. Apparently it is actually very hard to do that because this film flatlined upon arrival. It was not scary, not tense and didn't focus on the cool, sci-fi premise and opted to be a conventional, jump-scare fest instead. But even then, it failed as that.
5. BEAUTY AND THE BEAST
Just no. No. No. No. No. After Disney's incredible live-action adaptation of The Jungle Book, last year, I was quite excited to see their new spin on Beauty and the Beast and they somehow LOST the magic of the original. The classic is still great, but it feels tainted by this lazy, uninspired cash-grab.
4. VICTORIA AND ABDUL
I walked out of this film. I stuck with it for around about 40-minutes but even that was difficult because everything up until that point was painfully grating and dull. So I walked out because I could not suffer through any more of this. AND I NEVER EVER WALK OUT OF FILMS!!! That tells you all you need to now.
3. FIFTY SHADES DARKER
Oh you're surprised that there are two films that somehow manged to be worse than Fifty Shades Darker? Maybe it's because the first film was so awful that we kind of expected this one to follow suit. And it did. It is not at all romantic and seductive and feels uncomfortable to watch. But, hey, we knew it was coming. Fifty Shades Freed will be the same. Surey it can't be THIS bad, though.
2. EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING
Now, I'm a teenager. I read John Green growing up. I read The Hunger Games, Divergent, all that YA-slosh. But that "YA-slosh" can be good. We've seen it good before. The Hunger Games and Harry Potter proved that. They are great books and great films. However, this genre has somehow gotten worse over-time. And Everything, Everything is the latest in a string of terrible YA-films. It's idealistic, predictable, lazy, pandering, awfully cringe-worthy. More like Terrible, Terrible.
1. THE EMOJI MOVIE
You guessed it. What can I say about The Emoji Movie that hasn't been said already? It's a horrendous, insufferable and retarded film - like, genuinely retarded; the writing and dialogue is stupid and nonsensical. Even the actual animation itself is mawkish and lifeless. We live in a world where Moana exists, where the animation is second-to-none. How can it be this dull? The Emoji Movie is just so uninspired; this is the work of a conglomerate cash-cow not intent on creating entertainment but just wanting money. It's offensive and so so boring and painful to endure. Of course it's the worst film of 2017. Undoubtedly. It is truly awful. Good day.
2017 has actually been pretty great for movies. From the superhero genre to the indie scene and mid-tier films such as Baby Driver and The Big Sick, I, thankfully, don't have many complaints about the films I've seen this year. Either that, or there has been a better good-to-bad ratio and I've missed a lot of the crap that has released - there have been a lot that I have, gladly, avoided (Transformers, The Bye Bye Man etc). But, even then, I have still a lot of turds; certainly, I've seen more than enough to put together my 20 personal worst of the year.
It's worth noting that all the films in my list were released in the UK between January 1st, 2017 and December 31st, 2017. Here are my picks for my fworst films of 2017, kicking off with my 20-11 choices - the honourable mentions.
HONOURABLE MENTIONS:
George Clooney's black-comedy had all the right ingredients, but it was just such a mess that the result was a dish that left a very sour taste in the mouth.
THE MUMMY
Well, kudos to Universal for trying to launch their Dark Universe. But The Mummy was so bad it shot it out of the sky. Better luck... erm... next time?
PERSONAL SHOPPER
I see this making best of the year lists. For me, it was just a convoluted, confusing and tedious affair and so lands on my worst of the year.
DIARY OF A WIMPY KID: THE LONG HAUL
The Long Haul reboot the Wimpy Kid francise and sucked all the fun for a surplus of insufferable poop jokes. Frankly, it was a long haul to watch.
BORG MCENROE
More like BORE McEnroe, ammaright? That joke will never get old. This film will.
STORY OF A GIRL
Even Kevin Bacon couldn't save this over-sentimental, convoluted angsty-teen coming-of-age mess. Story of a girl, maybe. But it's a painfully dull tale.
SMALL TOWN CRIME
This is a film that started off with potential in its opening 10 minutes, then just spiralled out of control and became generic, predictable, boring, rushed.
BAYWATCH
Ah, we all love 21 Jump Street. This definitely is nothing like that film. It was so unfunny that I found even Logan to have more humour than this. And that film is a dark, sombre drama. This was actually supposed to be a comedy.
VALERIAN AND THE CITY OF A THOUSAND PLANETS
A pretty-looking disaster... But a disaster, nonetheless.
BAD KIDS OF CRESTVIEW ACADEMY
I mean... the title gives it away, surely?
So, there you have my honourable mentions. They were all pretty dire films, all in their own right for their own reasons. But at least they weren't quite as tragically terrible as my top 10 itself. Now those are a bunch. Here they are.
TOP 10:
10. PARIS CAN WAIT
Eleanor Coppola's latest arrived at Edinburgh Film Festival, boasting a shiny stellar ensemble and promise of being a seductive character-piece. Sadly, it is anything but. It's just 90-minutes of awful dialogue and characters eating food. I'd suggest you keep waiting for Paris Can Wait. It's not worth it.
9. SOUTHERN FURY
It's a staright-to-DVD Nicholas Cage film. That should tell you all you really need to know about it. Except, Cage is the best thing about it. This is a criminally undercooked and awful crime film that is just so... dumb? It's just so frustratingly stupid and unusual. But, hey, I did get to interview one of its stars.
8. CHiPS
Another case of "hey, Jump Street worked" so let's give an old, comedic TV series a cinematic reboot because it will obviously be comedic gold... Not when you have such terrible writers on-board, no. I didn't even smile at CHiPS, let alone laugh. The writing is cringe-worthy and embarassing and it horribly sexualises every female character - in a year where cinema had so many great, strong, well-written female characters. Shame on you, CHiPS. Shame on you. For that, and for existing.
7. DEATH NOTE
Okay, even if you take away the source material then this film would still be pretty bad. However, the original Death Note manga and series are so dark and genuinely great, that this watered-down, pandering-YA live-action film adaptation of it just sucked. It missed the trick. For such a dark, twisted story, this film was surprisingly fluffy and... well... YA. Never a good angle to take.
6. FLATLINERS
The original film wasn't exactly hailed as a classic, so surely it wouldn't be too hard to take that ingenious and unique premise and improve upon it. Apparently it is actually very hard to do that because this film flatlined upon arrival. It was not scary, not tense and didn't focus on the cool, sci-fi premise and opted to be a conventional, jump-scare fest instead. But even then, it failed as that.
5. BEAUTY AND THE BEAST
Just no. No. No. No. No. After Disney's incredible live-action adaptation of The Jungle Book, last year, I was quite excited to see their new spin on Beauty and the Beast and they somehow LOST the magic of the original. The classic is still great, but it feels tainted by this lazy, uninspired cash-grab.
4. VICTORIA AND ABDUL
I walked out of this film. I stuck with it for around about 40-minutes but even that was difficult because everything up until that point was painfully grating and dull. So I walked out because I could not suffer through any more of this. AND I NEVER EVER WALK OUT OF FILMS!!! That tells you all you need to now.
3. FIFTY SHADES DARKER
Oh you're surprised that there are two films that somehow manged to be worse than Fifty Shades Darker? Maybe it's because the first film was so awful that we kind of expected this one to follow suit. And it did. It is not at all romantic and seductive and feels uncomfortable to watch. But, hey, we knew it was coming. Fifty Shades Freed will be the same. Surey it can't be THIS bad, though.
2. EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING
Now, I'm a teenager. I read John Green growing up. I read The Hunger Games, Divergent, all that YA-slosh. But that "YA-slosh" can be good. We've seen it good before. The Hunger Games and Harry Potter proved that. They are great books and great films. However, this genre has somehow gotten worse over-time. And Everything, Everything is the latest in a string of terrible YA-films. It's idealistic, predictable, lazy, pandering, awfully cringe-worthy. More like Terrible, Terrible.
1. THE EMOJI MOVIE
You guessed it. What can I say about The Emoji Movie that hasn't been said already? It's a horrendous, insufferable and retarded film - like, genuinely retarded; the writing and dialogue is stupid and nonsensical. Even the actual animation itself is mawkish and lifeless. We live in a world where Moana exists, where the animation is second-to-none. How can it be this dull? The Emoji Movie is just so uninspired; this is the work of a conglomerate cash-cow not intent on creating entertainment but just wanting money. It's offensive and so so boring and painful to endure. Of course it's the worst film of 2017. Undoubtedly. It is truly awful. Good day.
About the Author

Awais Irfan
Founder of Oasis Awais, and avid lover of life, Awais Irfan's love of writing and film is unequivocal. Ever since he was a little kid, he has loved the cinematic experience; so much so, he is studying Film Production in Glasgow and hopes to be the next "big thing" in directing.
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